Let me tell all you assholes a little somethin' somethin' bout Christmas that you might not have known. This has nothing to do with the screaming infant Jesus, or Rudolph, or even that morbidly obese pedophile Santa Claus. It is about the true hero of Christmas, the Krampus! Krampus is all evil looking and goat-like and shit. He's tall and gangly and has food all up in his beard. His breath is horrendous and he has a very threatening member that he hardly bothers to conceal. He rides shot-gun with Santa Claus in the sleigh at the beginning of December and sniffs out the bad kids - you know, the ones who eat boogers and beat up gay kids. When he finds a filthy little brat, he puts the kid in his stinky sack and takes the kid back to his lair to sodomize the bad out. The only way the Krampus can be dissuaded is by getting drunk, so make sure you have some Schnapps on hand if you are an asshole. When they say that bad kids get coal in their stockings on Christmas, that is just a euphemism for the coal black cock of the Krampus rammed up a kid's stocking-like brown hole!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Another favorite x-mas tv special from my youth is the He-man & She-ra christmas special. It is definitely in the upper tier of quality, holiday, family programming. It's a tradition of mine to watch this magnificent classic while intoxicated, every year. And during each viewing I remember why it appealed to me so much as a child......................................................................................................................... it's so gay.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I've been considering ways to share a music playlist on here, but for some reason I can't seem to figure out the blog widgets. That won't stop me because I bought myself a record player for my birthday, along with a bunch of records. Then I took a bunch of pictures of my records with my hip-sta-matic, because that's what you do with those things
Monday, December 5, 2011
The last thing I wanted was for this blog to turn into a seasonal collection of holiday crap. But here I am thinking about some of my favorite television Christmas specials. One fantastic example comes from my childhood hero, Pee Wee Herman...
So many guest stars. Also I specifically remember a work crew of chip n dales building a room entirely out of fruitcake for Pee Wee.